Where's the beef?

Nebraska Beef Ltd. is expanding its beef recall to 5.3 million pounds.

According to the US government, the meat may contain disease-causing bacteria. This is strikingly similar to claims that the earth may revolve around the sun or that air may contain oxygen.

In other news, tomatoes may no longer be the prime suspect in The Salmonella Outbreak. Its salsa cohorts jalapeños, spring onions, and cilantro are also being thoroughly examined. Funny enough, salmonella do not spring forth from the juicy goodness of a saucy san marzano; salmonella "are microscopic living creatures that pass from the feces of people or animals to other people or other animals." Scapegoat tomatoes - the caprine residents at the sanctuary sympathize.